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Really interesting blog, froot.

(Perhaps as a caveat) I had my first anatomy prac today, and found it mostly fascinating, and often surprising. I've wondered on and off for years how one donates a body to science, thinking I might consider it. After today, it struck me no differently; as a good thing to to, that I might want to do (in future, though, not so comfortable with the idea that I want to - magical thinking - tempt fate).

I also noticed that the prosections seemed to (somehow) maintain the humanity of the specimens: I certainly felt different about lungs on a tray that lungs in a torso. But I also noticed that the face of the more human features of the donor tended to be obscured by the positioning, or actively covered, if there was a face attached. No small number of students suggested that it might be for the dignity or confidentiality of the donor. But certainly no one in my group saw the face of the donor who's prosected torso we did see. I remain unclear if this was to better preserve the specimen (as someone said), or for our sake.

Maybe a bit of both: even if it wasn't meant for our sake, the little moments were enough to produce enough reverence for me amongst other less easily localised feelings, any more might have been unbearable. The back of the head, with hair (shaved), the tiny scar on the back of the neck, the intact foot looking suddenly a lot more like it belonged to an elderly, jaundiced human - living or recently deceased - than an anatomical teaching tool.

I could imagine donating my body, and being a specimen, so I would imagine that the donors think that this is a good thing: that whether or not it's purely necessary, they'd rather their body became an educational tool after death than follow the more common pathways.

That probably doesn't help, though, and nor will the suggestion that if there were something beyond death, it perhaps does not reside in the physical body.

Chinaski probably has it about right, I would add that uncomfortable feelings, and frank ambivalence usually tell me that I'm thinking, and should be doing so, if for no other reason than that humans are tricky, and their views are complicated. With a vested interest in maintaining this viewpoint, all the same, I think awareness of this is a good sign.

You're nuts. And yet, it sounds like you're enjoying being nuts, so hey, it's all good.

@Nimbus2000 LOL! OMG I thought that after reading this, people would be like *backs away slowly*. Glad to hear that I'm not alone!! I'll definitely blog about the volunteering! I just need to sign some documents and get a couple shots and I'll be allowed to start (I received the policy handbook/ these-slips-need-to-be-signed package earlier today). So exciting!! I wish I was shorter! Being freakishly tall has its downsides... You have to bend down all the time, people can constantly see up your nose and you can't stretch while sleeping. On the other hand, it's really easy to hide food from family members in the top shelf of the pantry, massive legs= covering twice the distance with same amount of effort while walking AND you can take a lot of alcohol before becoming a wreck and making a fool of yourself :P

P.S. Good luck with getting into med!! I'm going to take this relationship to the next level (in a friendly, not 'here's my number so call me maybe' way) and as you as a friend. I'm quite the little socialite, aren't I?

Well, I was going to start on a more sensible sounding note... but first of all i need to say: OMFG YOU'RE 1.93 METRES TALL!!!! I am... 1.55 metres tall... and I rounded that by a fair few cm LOL.
/random

The point of this post is simply to allow me to have a breath of fresh air, more than anything.
I've been spending so much time sitting in 'hypothetical' interviews with the mirror, researching ethics, treatment, anatomy and other meddy-stuff that I've somewhat lost touch with the present. I think I have to take 3 steps back and remember that I haven't actually been accepted into medicine, nor have I received an interview offer and I haven't exactly scored an adequate score in the UMAT either. Sometimes I get so caught up in my dreams that I confuse them with reality. If I don't get into med this year, I'm probably going to stalk first year students around campus and pretend I'm one of them; do the whole 'sit in lectures without having a single clue about what's going on but nodding and saying 'ahh; hmm; yes' at what seems the appropriate moments, while sporting a fake moustache and monocle' thing. Try saying that in one breath!

Lol, story of my life haha! I actually find that I do this myself a lot! Whilst many will question my sanity, I feel that this is just a necessary part of my journey - the dreaming, the thinking about what will happen when/IF I get in. I think that it only reinforces the reasons why I wanted to do med in the first place! But yes, I can totally relate to this... especially the part about endless dreaming and forgetting about the fact that I haven't actually made it into med yet! I am a similar story - no adequate UMAT :/ As creepy as this sounds, I'll probably end up stalking first year students too, hoping they'll pass me the "secret" to get into med school... even though I know that there isn't really a secret... well there is = its do well in UMAT/do well at uni/do well at school... but that's not very helpful is it? lol.

I'm going to sit back a bit and focus on what I have to do right now, as opposed to what I have to do in a few months or even years from now.

YES, a good idea, thanks for reminding me ... I also do this - I think about specialities etc, even though I know nothing about some of them... and am constantly having to remind myself that I actually haven't learnt about anything to do with some of them! (For e.g. the paediatrics one - i can't think of anything that we have learnt that might apply specifically to infant - teen year'ed people... but yet I constantly think about how long it would take me to specialise in this speciality) But I would also like to add - don't stop dreaming! ^for reasons named above, but maybe not to the same extent that I do it - where I'm constantly thinking about these things (this MUST change)

Also, I wanted to say volunteering at a hospital? That sounds like so much fun! I hope you enjoy it and have you started yet? Will you be blogging about it? PLEASE DO, because in case you can't tell... I am also a med wannabe, who is starved of any type of opportunity like this

Good luck, and glad to see that there's someone else who'll willingly admit that they do this

I'd suggest that seeing such things is confronting, regardless of your age - it's just that a little bit of life experience teaches you coping strategies (though there's no guarantee of that). I was never totally comfortable with anatomical prosections. FWIW, I think it's entirely normal and wholly encouraging to be thinking this way. Better to question and puzzle for days, than never to challenge your own perception.

If anyone is interested, I have further thoughts:
It isn't a 'normal' thing to see, a severed face on a tray. How would your average 19 year-old react to seeing that? Having the title of 'medical student' isn't a magic protective blanket. You only learn to deal with stuff like this by experiencing it. I don't know how, but that thought helps.

You've got a way with writing that makes every sentence radiate a rare form of sensibility, intelligence and honesty that leaves no doubt in my mind that, someday, you're going to be an excellent doctor.

(Actually, more than once I come dangerously close to forgetting that I am a med student; I realise that I want desperately to do something; to take vitals, to write in a chart, to fetch breakfast, or a cup of tea, to DO SOMETHING.

The junior medical student offers the patient nothing. I am awed by their willingness to help us. Surprised - ever - by the discovery that I cannot offer them help to get to the shower, a cup of tea, a game of cards. But they talk to us all the same. This uselessness, this selfishness, is another one of those thing that challenge the model I have.

Whilst you're probably not in a position to shower, toilet and take obs on these patients, you are most certainly capable of doing those other things: grab them a cuppa, fetch a bottle if they need to pee, find another blanket if they're cold, sit and play a round of cards. Who says you can't or shouldn't? This is the only point in your training that you actually have scads of time, no responsibility or duties, and thus the luxury to do such (relatively simple, yet thoughtful) things!

haha oof, ah well that's ok

I am going to be really awful and tell you that you have more then 23 terms to go. In the later years the summer session makes up an additional term.

@bleukruez - having a study group is actually really beneficial. I'm at college, so a few nights before the exam we all brainstormed everything we knew on inflammation, skin and pharmacology. BUT, that didn't end up helping because the exam questions, as you know, were on neurotransmitters and bones...oh well

Yes, BGD-A means it's time to get serious

Hahaha I know your pain. I think I screwed up my fondie exam as well. Still haven't found the proper study method (and the willpower to study). I think for a start, not missing/late to ANY class (lecture too) would be a start.

Some people in my SG said it's better to have study group but I haven't been in one cause my home is quite far from uni so it's quite inconvenient for me.

Anyway, let's do better in BGD-A. I peeked at the student guide already, there's a whole lot of task each week this time around

@pgawk - thankyou! Good luck to you too! Haha, alcohol is our weakness :s

@frootloop - it averages around 20 contact hours a week but apparently the load increases the further we get into the course

Your contact hours are only like 17-18 hours a week? O.o So not fair.
Anyway, glad you're enjoying med

Congratulations on the upgrade! (not that a bonded place is by any means a bad thing). I know what you mean by 'university is very different'. My twin brother just started this year too and he says the lecturers kind of just throw the information into the room and the rest is really up to you. I'm worried I've become a bit too familiar with alcohol as well... I just promised my brain cells that I'm going to treat them kindly until after the UMAT LOL. Good luck with everything!

Just fyi - Hospital only goes for 2 hours. The timetable gets updated with the correct time closer to the day

Naw, thanks Mighty. I will definitely keep you guys updated!
My toe is heaps better (Yay, I got the dressing removed!) It just looks absolutely hideous LOL.
I'm glad you like the piece

Wow, I really like your piece. Being absolutely awful at music, I'm always amazed by people that can play/compose it etc. So to my amateur ears I think it sounds beautiful!

Sorry to hear about your toenail, I hope you recover soon

I'm glad to hear that you're enjoying your gap year, and I hope everything goes well for you. Good luck on the UMAT and keep us updated; I enjoy reading your blogs

Thanks Yeah, wrote it on Sibelius, exported to midi but it sounds more like a synth than anything. LOL the composition program keeps telling me that I'm going too high but I've seen some Paganini pieces which hit incredibly high harmonics (not that I play the violon, or would be good enough to touch Paganini if I did).

I enjoyed that, thanks for sharing. Always found strings a hard sound to get "right" myself. The violin can actually go quite high in range, although this usually doesn't come out too well if you're recording in MIDI.